Faith as Small as a Mustard Seed

This weekend I was in a worship service and the band played a song I’d never heard called “Let It Happen.” As I listened, I felt the Holy Spirit moving strongly, as well as a tension I’ve experienced as long as I’ve been a believer. The vocalist sang “You’re full of life now, you’re full of passion, it’s how He made you, just let it happen…so take me back, back to the beginning, when I was young, running through the fields with you.” I felt the powerful, beautiful, indescribable presence of the ONLY, TRUE God.

Blog_4And I also felt a deep sorrow – a frustration at my inability go “back to the beginning,” to restfully worship God in child-like peace. I had a present anxiety on my heart, and then the lyrics reminded me of how I can hardly remember ever being a carefree child; those experiences when I was very young took much of the child from me. Heartache flooded my memories and I was acutely aware of how the past still affected me in the present; how difficult it is for me to trust God in the way He wants me to trust Him. I don’t want to be like the Israelites who “never get where they’re going, never … able to sit down and rest” (Hebrews 3; Psalm 95). I don’t want my faith that seems so weak and watery in light of my predecessors in Hebrews 11, to hinder my relationship with my Father and Savior, or the Kingdom work He has prepared for me.

BUT – praise God, He has sent His Son, so that I may “have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that his body” and since I “have a great priest over the house of God” I may “draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us…”

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus … and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. ~Hebrews 10:19-22

As I continued to worship and pray, offering what I had, laying my mustard-seed faith before my God, knowing it wasn’t much and almost angry at Him and the whole fallen world that I couldn’t make it more, He did what He does. He drew me closer. I recognized it and as I sang I wondered why He was so kind to such a grumbling Israelite. Then I realized I wasn’t grumbling about Him – I was calling out to Him. And when we call out to Him, He answers, again and again. “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5; Deut. 3:16).

God freely gives us so much. He buoys up our faltering faith. He sacrificed to save us. He desires us to walk in obedience but when we take one little step toward Him, He helps us along. Hebrews is full of deep promises, ones that God has given His people from the beginning, focused on his Son Jesus Christ. This month read them, receive them, and rest in them.

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